Paralyzingly Awkward Yet Incredibly Hilarious Social Interactions Caused by Babies: TAKE 1

Little Mouse and I are best buddies! We like to be close to each other throughout the day and he loves being held. 
Little Mouse loving his Mommy cuddles after a long day of being out and about.
Unfortunately, though, sometimes I simply need to be a bit more mobile. So for us, babywearing is a natural part of our day; he likes the comfort of being "held" and I like having two hands to do whatever activity it is I need to be doing with both hands. Today, that activity was shopping.

When we wear our wrap in public, we get a lot of smiles and interested stares and usually end up having quite a few conversations simply because of Little Mouse's mode of transportation. Apparently, people around here aren't used to seeing babies being worn by their mothers - they're used to seeing young babies exclusively in carseats, strollers, or carts [Side note: I thought babywearing was rising in popularity, but perhaps not in Central Illinois.]. The reactions we receive are always positive and in the "Ohhh, isn't that so sweet!" vein, and we almost always wind up in conversations with people, answering questions about the wrap and/or babywearing. By now, we are very used to the attention.

That having been said, today was a red-letter day. Not just in quantity of conversations, but also in quality.

I spoke with two older ladies about how to make the homemade "Moby"; had to assure one gentleman several times that no, my baby was not going to, "slide right on outta there"; and had a very interesting conversation with a new Mommy who wasn't sure what sort of carrier to get and was afraid of being judged by the matriarchs of her family for holding her little one too much (which just broke my heart!).

By far the best conversation of the day, though, was with a very sweet, hipster, twenty-something in Kohl's.

The conversation started out innocently enough:

Girl: "Awww! What a precious baby! Is he yours?"
Me: "Yep, this is Little Mouse!"
Girl: "Awww! How old is he?"
Me: "He's 8 weeks."
Girl: "Wow! Big boy!"

Me: "Yeah, we don't miss a meal, do we, buddy?"

Aaaaaaand then this is where it got weird:

Girl: "Awww! So where is he from?"
Me: (confused) "Oh, I'm sorry...what's that?"
Girl: "Where's he...where's he from?"
Me: "I don't........I, uhhmmm...how's that now?"

Girl: "Where's he, you know, where's he "adopted" from?" (yes, she literally did "air quotes")
Me: ............"Myyyyyy uuuuuuterus?" 

That was an acceptable answer, right? I mean...I just didn't know how else to respond! Maybe I've been watching too much New Girl while Little Mouse naps on me, because that was honestly the first thing that popped into my head. Aaaand it came out of my mouth almost as soon as my brain thought it, so there was pretty much no stopping it. Like toothpaste out of a tube.

Girl: "Oh!"
Me: "..."
   ...but in my head: Oh my gosh did I just tell her that he was adopted from my uterus?! And is 'uterus' even an acceptable word in a conversation with a complete stranger?? No words. No words at all. Just death.

Girl: "..."
Me: Internal scream laughing.
Girl: "So he's...really? He's, like, biologically yours?"
Me: "Yeah! 12-hour labor and all!"
Girl: "Haha! Well, I...I guess I thought..."
Me: "Oh, really, it's no big..."

Girl: "You're just...you know, so "small" so I thought..."
Me: "It's okay, really..."
Girl: "...there's no way she just had a "baby"..."
Me: "Thank you?"
Girl: "...especially one that big!"
Me: "..." 
   ...but in my head: This is awkward this is so awkward oh my gosh can I hide behind that display of Lady Gaga being scaled like a mountain by little black men because she won't notice me there I don't think - I'll be hidden by weird. No, that won't work. AHHHH!!!! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO?! CONFUSION MAKER! CONFUSION MAKER! NO!! NO!!! NO!!!!
Girl: "..."
Me: CLOSE IT ALREADY!! "Weeeeeell, thank you!" *awkward curtsey thing*
Girl: "Well, he's really cute, even though he's not adopted!"
Me: ..."Thank you so much!" (????????????)

The awkwardness continued awhile until we finally parted ways, but I honestly couldn't tell you what was said because my brain was cry-laughing too loudly for me to properly think. Luckily, I've had so many baby-related conversations, I was able to be on autopilot for the rest of the paralyzing social interaction. 

Seriously, you guys. My life. Is. A sitcom.

Until Little Mouse lets me write again...

P.S. I ALMOST FORGOT! I also got asked to go to some game (soccer? lacrosse? croquet? who knows...) by a random high-schooler who thought I was a fellow high-schooler while I was in the parking lot of the school my husband teaches at. Exhibit B of my life being a sitcom. See also: I've stiiiill got it. ;)

P.P.S. FYI: I will be updating this blog post to include photos of Little Mouse being worn in his wrap once I get a few good pictures. This story was simply too funny to wait until I had all the photos to share, though!


  1. I love wearing David! It is just so much easier than carrying him.

  2. Oh my goodness. Hilarious! I wear Lola all the time too and I wish I could take pictures of some of the faces I get. We'll bring the trend to central Illinois :)